Update: Mercury is in Retrograde

Hello guys and dolls, well what a mess this week has been for me with everything technical. It started off with a Paypal invoice I was having trouble paying and it ended with me starting two (yes TWO) accounts on Facebook, which they forced me to abandon due to the fact I can’t log back in because the captcha won’t show on my screen. (They want me to perform a security check because I added my nickname. Yes, apparently, adding a nickname will set their new security censors off and lock you out of your own f—ing account.) And, of course, there is absolutely nobody to write to regarding support, because, you know, Facebook is a perfect invention and all the answers to the Universe are right there in their little help center. RIGHT. Now I have 2 lost FB accounts floating around hopelessly in cyberspace, which I could really give a shit less about since FB is the tool of Satan if you ask me anyway… but golly gee, I’d sure like to get back in to access my own shit and not leave it to the internet gods to decide the fate of my own personal photos and words that reside online. 

Now, make no mistake I LOVE WORDPRESS. But somehow they switched editors on me. They just introduced a new one and I am not a quick study when it comes to templates, so I spent the better part of 2 days trying to learn this new one. So here I am trying to add photos of Buddy Holly and The Crickets to a template that just won’t cooperate. I have fantasies of jumping into the photo and warning the four of them: “I have seen the future. And it’s not good, boys. It’s NOT GOOD!!!”

My aunt Helen would say all this is because Mercury is in Retrograde. I say it’s because the internet sucks and nobody gives a damn. Especially not that red-headed kid billionaire who runs Facebook. Doesn’t he know that nothing is worse than writing something, then not having access to it? It’s like they’re stealing a bit of your soul. You can’t edit your own words. It’s like one of those dreams where you try to scream and nothing comes out. I am beside myself and I’ve reached the end of this block, is the page gonna scroll up or what? Am I just a stupid old hag stuck in the 90’s and the millennials are all Star Children and taking over the technological world? SCROLL, GODDAMN IT!

It wants me to add a block. I’ve never written in “blocks”. In my day a block was a series of houses on a street. I better end this entry now, mes amies before I freak y’all out worse than I already have. I am destined to have no control over my online life which I thought was going rather well compared to my offline life, but I guess I was wrong about that too.

Sorry this update is so dreary, but it doesn’t look like Mercury is going direct for a while (actually this is true, I read astrology almost daily) so I’m just going to have to deal with more stress. 

Unless I somehow manage to figure out how to go back to 1955 and disappear like I wish I could, I’ll be posting a new segment starting this weekend called “Fifties Foto Flashback.” It should be fun, in a disturbing, virtual kind of way, so please stay tuned.