This Time It's Personal

This Time It’s Personal: WTF Is Wrong With Me?

Warning: Posts in this segment may contain language that is inappropriate and/or offensive to some readers.

WTF Is Wrong With Me?

This week I was supposed to write a post about Fads in the 1950’s. And I’m going to. And  it will be fun and it’s going to be wonderful… Or I am really going to be disappointed in myself.

But yesterday morning, I was having some of those self-doubts, that we writers tend to get– Oh but first, let me explain one thing. When I call myself a “writer”, I don’t mean that I write for a living, or that I’ve written a best-seller or any of that. I believe that any person who writes because they enjoy it, whether they profit from it or not, is a “writer”. Just like anyone who paints, even if it’s just a hobby is an “artist”… So basically, if you hear me call myself a writer, I’m not claiming to be anything great. Just another writer. That’s it.

So, anyway…  I was having terrible doubts about what direction to go in, because frankly,  a lot of plans look good on paper, but when it comes down to actually writing a post, it’s a different story. See, I need to be inspired to write. I’ll say to myself: “Today I’m going to write about pants.” But then I don’t feel like writing about pants, so I write about makeup instead. And once I’m writing about what I feel like writing about, instead of what I think I’m supposed to be writing about, it just comes pouring out.

A couple of months ago, I signed up on Quora. And I put myself in the 1950’s category or whatever. So I get all these questions in my IN box from random people wanting to know stuff about the 1950’s. I also put myself in the Cats category, since I’ve owned around 6 cats in my life, I think I can help answer some of those questions also.

So I was thinking for now, maybe I should just write about whatever inspires me, instead of what’s on the schedule. When I’m feeling stressed out, I always write something, in some form. It just helps me sort shit out. So I went on to Quora and began looking at the questions, to see if anything sparked my interest. And here’s the question I found, and what I wrote:

mrholly

 

After I read my own answer, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Then I asked myself a personal question: “WTF is wrong with me?”

If I could hypothetically go back in time and tell ANYONE ANYTHING… I’d choose to attempt to save Buddy Holly? Sure, it’s a nice thought, but why that? Why, over everything I could have chosen in history… why that?

While we’re being hypothetical, he could have hypothetically told me to fuck off. (Maybe not in so many words back in 1959, but you get what I’m saying) But I think I got the last line right. He’d have called security. Or, at the very least, politely asked me to get out of his way before he made me sorry for standing in it.

But whatever. This question is just a fantasy that involves the impossible scenario of time travel.

So why am I freaking out over a bullshit scenario? Here’s the thing. When you read the other answers to this same question, a good number of  people say that they would go back in time in their OWN PERSONAL LIVES and tell a loved one something that they wish they had said, but didn’t at the time. People say they’d have thanked their parents, or helped their children in some way… It’s the whole “If I’d known then what I know now” kind of thing. All of that makes perfect sense.

Other people put themselves back in time before the beginning of a catastrophic World Event, such as a war, and said that they would give the correct person some important information to avoid it. Which also makes sense.

Yet, when I saw the question, the first thing that came to my mind was saving Buddy Holly. That’s kind of sad… isn’t it? I mean, I’m not 12 years old.  I’m a grown woman wishing I could save someone I didn’t even know personally. Yeah, he happens to be one of the world’s most talented musicians that ever lived… but a stranger, none-the-less. Besides, had he lived, would that have changed the world? Possibly. It would have changed a lot of people’s worlds. But not mine.

So again, WHY?

Well, there might just be a reason I chose that answer after all:

For many years, I was lost and in a very dark place. It got to the point where I just didn’t know how to enjoy life. I stopped listening to music. All music reminded me of something sad or just annoyed me enough to not want to listen to anything anymore.

Then I discovered Buddy Holly. I discovered his music and how talented he was. I really had no idea!  I just knew him from a couple of “oldies” and the one photo I’d seen of him. When I finally discovered what a wonderful gift he brought to the world in his short life, that, in some way, changed mine.

Suddenly, I was listening to music again. First, it was all his stuff (with and without The Crickets), which is more amazing than I could have ever imagined it would be…  Then I began to listen to all music from that era. I began to feel alive again. When once I thought my life was over, I began to look forward to “Everyday” with Buddy’s music in it.

But it was not only music that Buddy brought into my life, it was the happiness that I’d been void of for… I don’t even know how long.

Then, came the inspiration. I started singing again, better than I ever had before. In fact, I didn’t know I could sing so well and this was after taking a vocal class in college and spending an entire semester in a choir. Sure, I’m still not a fantastic singer, but I enjoy it now more than ever as well.

Next, I began reading all I could about the Fabulous 50’s… Buddy had definitely rekindled my interest in that time period. Then, finally, I started this blog.

Buddy Holly was a star and I didn’t know him. But stars can be great inspirations. They can bring happiness to millions of strangers and that’s why we love them. That’s why I love him.  I guess my way of thanking him is to imagine some hypothetical Universe in which I try to save his life.

As for the answer on Quora, I didn’t post it. And yet, I wrote this entry, so it’s posted here. Which makes me wonder…

WTF is wrong with me?

 

59cal2

 

(By the way, I don’t have any relatives in the aviation industry, I just said that. Or would have said that.)


Question .png is a a screencap from Quora. I don’t know the author of the question.

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