My New Year’s Resolution

Once in fucken 4th grade, our teacher made us write a paper called “My New Year’s Resolution” But before he made us write it, he explained to us what a New Year’s Resolution was. (I won’t do that here, because I’m assuming anyone reading this knows.) Mine was some dumb shit like I’d stop hugging my guinea pig so hard. Cute. I was a very soft 9-year-old. Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, I want to make one now, and it is very difficult because I am a people pleaser, and on top of that, I am allergic to conflict. So to make this resolution feels foreign to me.

My New Year’s Resolution is to stop worrying about what people think and just write whatever I want. Except I’m worried about the “Just write whatever I want” part. None of us can just write whatever we want. So maybe not whatever I want, but close to whatever I want.

I often find myself asking: “Whose blog is this anyway? And who or what is making me adhere to a certain set of rules?”

In a way, I blame myself. I’m refraining from making this MY blog because I already gave it away to fit a certain subject. The subject falls into a perimeter that is narrow and somewhat unforgiving. Let’s face it, the 1950’s were narrow and somewhat unforgiving. It was a very innocent, simple and judgmental time. It was the opposite of these times. It was a time where you had to conform and be just like everyone else…or else. 

So why do I like the 1950’s so much? I think it’s because I am an idealist. There were set ideas and rules to follow. People followed them and they were happy. At least, most people were happy. And to me it personally looks like the time in my heart, that I would have preferred to live in. But the subject of this post is not why I write about the 1950’s. It’s about what I want to resolve to do with my writing, with my own personal expression.

One good thing about “the nows” (which I guess would be the 2020’s) is that people are encouraged to be themselves and accept differences and not conform. Now more than ever before. That’s a difficult task when you’re writing about a time that did quite the opposite.

I’ve done a decent job of it, looking back at the time with respect, and presenting it accurately, while injecting sentiments and expressions that are modern day. But I still feel caged. Part of that shackled feeling is from having to consider what other people will think. I am writing about real people, even if they were public figures, they existed, their families exist and their fans exist. So I’m always considering when, what, how to say something in a post. 

So with that being the case, my internal monologue goes something like this: “Do I post this today? Oh I can’t, today is the anniversary of —-’s death. Maybe I’ll wait til Friday. No, that’s the anniversary of —— and it would be inappropriate to post it then. Maybe I should wait until ——’s Birthday, but is this post a worthy tribute?”

I’m driving myself crazy. I don’t have a contract or promise or any kind of anything with anyone regarding this blog. The only thing I must do is adhere to the rules of WordPress, which I am always trying to do. But do I really have to worry about whose death/birth/fucking wedding anniversary it is when I post something? I mean REALLY? As long as the post itself is not grossly inappropriate to begin with, why worry?

Case in point, this past week when I was afraid to post something about Phil Everly because it’s the anniversary of the week he passed away (in 2014), but so what? The anniversary of the week he passed away is good time to remember him. I was just worried about upsetting the other fans. But do the other fans govern what I write about Phil or anyone fucking else? NO! I’m too concerned with everyone’s thoughts and feelings and in the end you can’t please everyone anyway. 

What was it that Buddy Holly himself said? “I don’t know how to succeed, but I know how to fail. Try to please everyone.” it was something like that…. Should I worry that I didn’t get the quote exactly right? Now I don’t know if I should post this…

So much for my New Year’s Resolution. 

graphic from clip-art library